Did Bob Die?
written by: Philos-O-Tron
Q: Did Bob die?
A: How would you define "die"? Do you mean to inquire about his mortal coil passing from an animated state or do you ask about his essence vanishing into the ether?
Sure, Bob still perambulates about the surface of the Earth as many a body does, but in a near comatose state as one would expect from a zombie. His spirit has been suffering crushing defeats at every turn of fate for so many years that he is but the burned out hulk of a human being.
Yet his spirit has not been released to whatever hereafter you might subscribe. No, Bob is in the Limbo of Middle Management: Everyday filled with pointless actions, uninformed decisions, disrespectful subordinates, clueless supervisors, the same mechanical actions set to the tick of a clock that rules out any chance for the beauty and majesty of life to touch his 'soul'. His spirit wishes to die but it is too vital a thing to be extinguished as such. Bob's spirit will endure a slow process of decay as his body does the same in a sort of negative biofeedback loop.
Speaking of his meat sack shell, that is also undergoing a sad decline. Bob still eats as if he was in college but his metabolism has slowed to a glacial pace. He doesn't exercise save going to the coffee machine and walking the seventy yards to and from his SUV each morning and afternoon. His state of animation is near zero, but not near enough. His heart continues to function in a rhythmic fashion despite the cholesterol and his brain still registers enough activity to indicate the random twitch of memory and pang of longing for something.
No, evanescence can not come too quickly for Bob, but alas, despite his best attempt at mimicking the real condition, Bob did not yet die.
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